Well, for some unknown reason I cannot sleep easily. So crowded outside, I should have gone with real silent place, but that's not the reason I cannot sleep tonight. There is only one person lying on the bed, me. But it is not the reason why I cannot sleep either. Last month my husband and I moved into Lampung because of his work. But he buys me a nice small house at first.
I’m not really like the design at all, so I asked my husband to renovate this house. The renovations are done and it better than before. As a wife, I try to arrange all in my way. Put sweet jati wooden in dining table, and arrange all I need to make my house be the sweetest house ever. I close my eyes for no reason. Solitude remains.
“dear, would you like to walk me to find out all we need to make the house nice? Just reach out my hand and take me with you, for I'd love to going out with you dear!”
“Nice” he says, stabbing my eyes with his gaze so deep that I cannot feel the pain anymore.
He smiled, I almost cried that night. That was our second night together and could have been the last. The night before was as hot as a honeymoon in this new place, Bandar Lampung. but that moment his shaded smile had already killed my lust. I later gave him drizzle-kisses on the lips, as many as he gave me. No lust.
He opens the front gate before me, walking hand in hand, heading to . He's like my shadow under the broken afternoon sunlight, so huge and close; sheltering, always protecting,
***
For some unknown reason I cannot sleep. I open my eyes and get up. Only I don't know what I'm feeling at the moment.
I look deeper into the mirror, right into the eyes. The face gets clearer in my eyes, clearer and then blurry, blurrier. Refraction: there are almost two faces now. No, there are two persons from the one face in the mirror. I close my eyes. And here I am, feeling the sacred touch.
“You is a dream come true,” he whispers very gently, as he touches my cheek with his palm. His voice is soft as the breeze.
When I open my eyes I suddenly miss his touch. I see my reflection in the mirror, alone, smiling, with tears.
For some unknown reason I cannot sleep.
He decided to find a house by his own self in this new far place called Lampung. But we have spent much times doing the renovations. We went to the material shops and chose every single item to put in the house, then he supervised the laborers, the plumbers and the carpenters directly every single day of the renovation. but that's not the point.
Wait... I think I know the reason. He promised me he'd come on a date but he's not here yet. He wouldn't care whether the renovation was done or not. He wouldn't care whether I can stand this yearning any longer or not. He wouldn't care -- oh he's not that bad. Please. He does care, just, the house is...Wait! I think I know the reason why I cannot sleep, it's because...
I was asleep. As I open my eyes, I hear heavy knocks on the front door, they sound more like bangs. I say to myself: Let's face who's outside. It's not him at all. I talk to myself, talking to him: If the perfect house is still a dream then what are you?
I am not happy. If anyone asks me what I'm feeling, I am not happy at all. Yet I stay in the house, for some unknown reason, it feels so important for me.
